Dear Dr. Toni- I can’t believe I’m saying this but I hate my life and want out! I find myself at the age of 48 in a job that I hate, where I am under paid and under valued. I am barely making it financially. I am an attractive, physically fit, healthy, awesome woman that has never been married and no kids. People at my work love me and my family and friends adore me but I am just miserable. I never thought I would be so alone and lonely at this age. I’ve been seeing an HHP for Advanced integrative Therapy for 3 years, although I have come a log way, I still feel like I should be in a much better place. I also meditate, do yoga, am furthering my education, run and take very good care of myself. I have tried the on-line dating and to my amazement and frustration found it to be disappointing and heart wrenching- the guys are either total losers or just want to bed me – even though I am clear about my intentions and now I hardly get any responses at all – my photos are great and my profile is very authentic. I am at my wits end, I always thought at this age I would have some amazing man by my side and madly in love with a fulfilling career. What is wrong with me?
Emily by the beach
It sounds like you indeed are an amazing woman, an amazing woman who is frustrated. I hear that and I feel your pain. It is difficult for a woman over forty to not be scared given the culture’s view on aging single women.
I hear a lot of negativity about men and your career. When we focus on what is lacking in our lives, we get more lack. My first suggestion to you is to let go for now the focus on finding the right man and a better job. Just for now, begin each day with a focused meditation – focus on expressing to the universe your gratitude for all the blessings in your life. At the end of the day, scan back through the day and acknowledge only the grace that occurred. Write them down in a blank book.
Do some research on non-profit or charitable organizations in your area. Find one that serves a cause that you feel passionate about. Volunteer on saturdays or evenings that you are free.
Lastly, make an intention to give love wherever you are. Having an intention on connecting with others from your heart and receiving their connection can build oxytocin – the feel good bonding chemical in the body.
When the feeling of loneliness comes up, open your heart and allow divine love from the universe to come in and fill your mind and body. Keep dwelling on the “abbondanza” (Italian for abundance) in your life and joy will be yours!
Dear Dr. Toni:
I am a 43 year-old woman with two children, a high- powered job that I love and a husband who has been out of work for two years. I am tired of doing all the heavy lifting for this family!
My therapist has urged me to give my husband an ultimatum. I don’t know what to do. We can’t afford for him to move out. I’m afraid if I divorce him, he will fight me for our children and child and spousal support. My youngest is 9 so I have 9 years left. Do I stay and suck it up or kick the jerk out? I’m sorry. I am so angry!
Seething in Des Moines
You mention that you are seeing a therapist. Have you done couples work together? I imagine that you both at this point are very defensive. If you have a high-powered job, how much of that masculine energy are you bringing home?
Does your husband see your vulnerability or just your frustration and rage? How much does he do at home that you don’t acknowledge? If you were to step back from resisting the situation and choose to accept it just as it is, ask yourself the question, why am I experiencing this lesson? What is there here for me to learn? What about this is benefitting me and my children? Do you want to be the stay at home parent? Forgive your husband and yourself and then tell him what you appreciate about his job as domestic engineer. Then tell him from the soft place in you that you are tired and sad and scared to be carrying all this financial pressure alone and that you just need him to hear you, not to fix it.
See what happens.
Dr. Toni will be speaking in the telesummit called This is Life School on September 13 along with Jack Canfield, Dr. Bernie Siegel, Mantak Chia, and Barbara Marx Hubbard among others and it is free!
For those seeking personal guidance from Dr. Toni, she can be reached through her website, http://www.lifequake.net or DrToni@LifeQuake.net and her office 310-890-6832. Discover a new passionate life direction through a soul blueprint reading or her career repurposing tele-coaching called The LifeQuake Method. Call today and give yourself the gift of working with Dr. Galardi so you can expansively move into Fall.