Spring is here! Have you done a spring cleaning at the body, mind, and soul level yet? What is flowering in your life this season?
Dear Dr. Toni:
I have been in a long distance relationship with a man for the past six months who lives in Minnesota. I have made most of the trips to see him because my ailing father lives nearby.
On the last day of every trip, he closes down and disconnects. Then he gets critical in his comments to me. I have mentioned this to him and on my last trip he took some time to examine his feelings. He shared with me that he doesn’t feel he can have a relationship at a time when his son is in crisis at school; his company is in peril, and he is about to lose his home.
The problem is that once there is distance, he starts to warm up again and I get hooked back in. Should I cut off the relationship altogether or maintain a friendship by phone? I feel this deep connection with him and I know he feels it with me when he lets himself, but I cannot take this roller coaster ride when I’m with him.
What should I do?
It sounds to me that you have your answer. He has told you he isn’t available for a relationship. Can you be just his friend? Only you can answer this. If not, tell him you need a break to make the transition to a friendship and that you will call him when and if you can. Then, be your own best friend. What kinds of activities do you like to do? Make a list of 50 and start doing them. Make your life a joyful experience that any man would love to be invited into.
Dear Dr. Toni:
I have been a medical professional for 20 years and my practice has virtually dissolved in the last year. I don’t know what to do. I am going further and further into debt and I can’t get a 9 to 5 job that will cover my overhead. I am going to bed scared every night. I would ask my colleagues to send me business, but most of them are in the same boat.
I have a feeling there might be something else for me to do with my life but I haven’t the faintest idea what that is. What do you suggest I do, Dr. Toni? I feel like I am running out of time and will be facing bankruptcy if I don’t act soon.
Desperate in Brentwood
I hear your fear and it probably is very little consolation to know that many people are in the same boat with you, and it might feel like that boat is sinking. There are a couple of things I would like to recommend. On the physical level, I suggest that you include a multi-mineral supplement with your breakfast or lunch and add some extra magnesium. This does two things: it supports the immune system in that it alkalinizes the body when you’re under stress (and the body becomes acidic), and it feeds the nervous system. Magnesium is especially good for this. The most absorbable magnesium is magnesium glycinate. Eating lots of leafy greens helps too. Secondly, make sure you are exercising four to five times a week at something that is not depleting to your adrenals. You can tell this by how you feel when you are done with your routine.
Next, incorporate what I call emotional pulse checks, three times a day. Set an alarm on your computer or cell phone to go off and remind you to notice your breath. Take five minutes to consciously breathe down into your gut and set an intention for releasing all muscle tension from your body.
Before you go to sleep, do my evening download technique of scanning your day and consciously releasing all events that registered stress in your body. Forgive yourself or anyone else who might have been a catalyst for that stress. Both of these techniques are on my CD, The LifeQuake Method and can be obtained by going to my Web site and clicking on http://www.lifequake.net/products.
Next, if you go to the very bottom of the media page, there is a free video to view called “Connecting the Dots” which will give you an exercise for observing your life and discovering what gives you energy now. The gift inside your practice is the opportunity to reinvent yourself. As this chapter is ending you are entering what I call in chapter four of my book, “The Cosmic Barbecue.” Transition is never easy, but if you get in touch with disowned parts of yourself it can lead to your life purpose and more meaning in your career. Change is good. We just need to be calm enough first to recognize the clues to journeying on the path that is meant just for us!
I am excited to announce that my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval is available April 14 in paperback through Amazon and Barnes & Noble online book stores.
To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr.) For those seeking phone coaching, Dr. Toni can be reached at 310.712.2600.
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