Ask the LifeQuake Doctor – June issue Vision
The summer is a great time to do more than just vacation. It can also be a time to prepare for a new start in some area of your life. I will be doing a free teleclass on June 29, Thriving in Crisis Driven Times. REGISTER HERE
When you register, you will get a call-in # and a unique PIN that you will use for the class.
Dear Dr. Toni:
My father died a year ago. He owned a family business that I now run. My mother is the primary shareholder but is not directly involved. Recently she connected with her childhood sweetheart and they are now very involved. My mother has completely dropped any and all interest in being a grandmother to my children or my sister’s children. I feel like I’ve lost both my parents in the span of a year and it makes me angry and sad. I am 40 years old and yet I find myself having all these feelings of jealousy and judgment around my mother’s new boyfriend.
I’m not sure what to do with my feelings except for punching out this “friend” of my mother’s whom I experience as an interloper.
Any suggestions, Dr. Toni?
Dazed and Confused
It is not uncommon in children of any age where there has never been a divorce to have adjustments when Mom is dating for the first time in their lives. Your life has changed dramatically since your father’s death. You don’t say as to whether taking over the family business is something you have welcomed or that it feels like a burden of responsibility.
Perhaps if your mother did not have this new companion, she would have tried to interfere as a way of giving her life some purpose. This may be a great gift in disguise. As for her dropping out of grandmotherhood, if you were to look at everything that happens and ask, “What about this experience or event is working to my benefit?” what would you interpret about your mother being absent from that role with your kids?
In all great myths and stories, the hero begins his journey with the loss of his parents. He must begin the path to conscious adulthood as an orphan so that he can reach his destiny through learning a new way that is devoid of the constraints the family would give to play it safe. Freed of his parents’ authority, he can develop a kind of leadership that has his own unique style. You get an opportunity to make this company your own without interference from either of your parents.
Dear Dr. Toni:
I have an identical twin sister who is bipolar and self-medicates with alcohol. We are 25 years old and live near each other in a small town. We look a lot alike and people sometimes think I have done some of the things she has done when she was manic. I have tried to get her to go to AA to no avail. She also refused to go on lithium because she says it makes her gain weight. What should I do to get through to her that she is ruining my life and hers as well?
Thanks for any advice you can give.
I’m sure you probably know that you cannot force someone to get help. That said, there are protocols that involve herbal and nutritional supplements that can help to create and maintain brain balance. A Web site I recommend is with my friend Dr. Hyla Cass, www.CassMD.com. She is an ortho-molecular psychiatrist who treats mood disorders with amino acids, essential fatty acids, and good nutrition.
Dr. Cass has suggested that it is possible if one is highly motivated, to treat bipolar disorder using holistic methods.
I would also suggest that you attend an Al-Anon meeting. Al-Anon is a great place for family members of alcoholics to go to learn how not to enable or try and control the alcoholic.
You may find that surrendering all your anxiety around your reputation being ruined could be ultimately liberating. Your sister being out of control may be in your life for you to loosen up your need for approval and fear of how you are being seen.
Inside every constrictive challenge lies an opportunity for greater freedom. My wish for you is to find the inner wild girl that your sister is expressing and give her a voice.
Dr. Toni Galardi is extending her offer from last month to her readers at 20 percent off her normal phone coaching fees and $100 off her soul blueprint readings, through June 30, 2011. Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, career coach, public speaker, organizational consultant, and the author of the book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.
To submit questions for “Ask the LifeQuake Doctor” or if you would like to consult Dr. Galardi for phone coaching, she can be reached through her Web site at http://www.LifeQuake.net or 310.890.6832.
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