From the LifeQuake Desk

March 25 2009

The Wall Street Metaphor

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk book, dr. toni galardi, expert, lifequake, los angeles, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, self-help, southern california 0

As a change expert and crisis management consultant, I am often asked by journalists, “Is what is going on with Wall Street, a LifeQuake? ” My answer is always the same: “It depends.”

In September, as I was finishing the final edits on my book, the newspaper headline read, “Wall Street Quakes!” and I thought, oh, it has begun. For some people, the stock market crashing meant the end of their life savings, for some, the end of a dream to retire, and for others it meant a crossroads.

A LifeQuake is not a mere crisis but an awakening to a new level of consciousness that can come from a crisis.
So for some, who use this crisis to learn how to adapt to change on the spin of a dime, the stock market going up and down can be a lot like our emotions over the course of the day. Do you react to every event that you didn’t expect from fear or do you respond with the attitude that somewhere in this upheaval there is good? If we declare that no matter what happens, we are always winning, it doesn’t matter how the outer events unfold, you will experience your life as a winner. On the other hand, if your happiness is dependent on the DOW instead of the other Dow spelled “ Tao” that teaches us all that peace and security is always available, then your life and your inner state will always be like its own personal stock market: a rollercoaster.

Further, you will get trapped in seeing Wall Street as your Holy Grail instead of discovering the purpose of all this chaos – to know you are safe and secure no matter how life shows up and that love is all that really matters. As someone who has lost everything a couple times over, I can tell you from personal experience that this economic crisis can take us from loss to liberation.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist and the author of her new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How To Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. To order her new book or read her blog, go to www.LifeQuake.net.

March 12 2009

Preparing for Change – Part IV

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk change, crisis, dr. toni galardi, los angeles, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 0

Factually speaking, we’re in the last days of winter. The spring equinox officially begins in the western hemisphere at 4:44 AM PDT Mar 20. However, when I listen to people in my private practice and community, I sense that Spring is going to be delayed this year so I am continuing in this blog to give you tools for what to do in your own personal “winter of discontent”. In my book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon, this is all encapsulated in chapter two as stage two of a LifeQuake.

There is a feeling in the country of anxiety and emotional paralysis. Everyone is waiting for the next guy to stimulate the economy. Now, I’m not saying go out and spend money you don’t have to get the economy going. What I am saying is that if you feel frozen to take any action in your life, change from within. Go even deeper into non-doing. Spend 15 minutes a day in quiet. As you inhale, bring the oxygen all the way down into your gut. As you focus on your breath, put your hand over your heart and imagine your hand is a wand of light that is radiating all the fear you are feeling, transforming it into peace. Now, go to the top of your head with your awareness and set an intention for your crown to open and receive light from the universe – the sun, the air, all of nature, etc. Believe it or not, you can be inside your office or home and still have access to this source. Once you feel calm, ask the question, what is one thing I can do today that I don’t normally do that will support my life?

The temptation when we feel paralyzed is to self soothe through food, sex, alcohol, surfing the net for hours, etc. While in stage two, so much amazing healing work can be done if we allow ourselves to turn within for comfort; simply by partnering universal consciousness with our own breath and heart. Tomorrow I will give you some techniques for remembering your dreams and using the dream recall to prepare for change.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist in private practice in Santa Monica, Ca and is the author of the newly published book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to thrive (not just survive)in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.

March 9 2009

Connecting the Dots

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk dr. toni galardi, los angeles, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, self help book, self-help, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 0

In yesterday’s blog I gave a technique that can assist you in preparing for change. Transforming the misperception that change means loss is the first step in recognizing when it is time to make a change. Once you have changed this core belief into one that allows you to embrace change as gain, you can then proceed to step 2.

Step 2 involves observation. Observe everything you experience in your life all day long in terms of the emotions they trigger. The first stage that begins the onset of a LifeQuake (the chaos that comes with your soul awakening to its next level of evolution) is boredom. When a cycle of our lives is closing and we cannot grow any longer in the form that it is in (ie. relationship, career, health habits, etc.), the first symptom that shows up is boredom. On the emotional tone scale, ecstasy is at the top, despair is at the bottom, and boredom is in the middle. Boredom is considered a transition emotion. If you begin to assess what you are bored with as well as what interests you now, (instead of trying to artificially stimulate excitement through sex, drugs or alcohol for example), there are clues to your next destiny.

By observing where your emotions move up the emotional tone scale from boredom to let’s say, mild interest you can see what is beginning to enliven you now. When I work with a client either by phone or in person, I always suggest doing this exercise for three weeks. Keep a tape recorder or pad of paper with you and quickly make a note of billboards you are drawn to, colors that attract you now, television programs, movies, conversations that you found particularly compelling, etc. Next to the description of what you were interested in, note the specific feeling it evoked.

After three weeks of observing what interests you in your life now, enlist the aid of a friend or coach to assess what connects the dots of your interests and write a paragraph describing a kind of vocation or lifestyle that would most enliven you now. Place it on your desk and spend five minutes a day envisioning yourself inside the life that best represents some or all of the elements most common to the theme you discovered when you connected the dots of your interests. You don’t have to know specific details such as the career that most expresses what gives your life meaning. It is enough to envision a kind of environment you want to work or live in, such as with a team of people or outdoors in nature and then allow the feeling you want to have inside that career or relationship to emerge and feel it with every fiber of your being, for five minutes. Although it may seem far away, ‘the visionary life” cannot be had until you dare to dream it. In the next blog, I will discuss how to acknowledge and dignify the dying of the life you are still in that is coming to an end.

Dr. Toni Galardi, better known as “The LifeQuake Doctor” is a change expert, psychotherapist, and columnist. Her new book The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive )in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval is now available through online publishers and through her website www.LifeQuake.net.

February 26 2009

Meditation as a change management tool

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk barack obama, book, book author, los angeles, meditation, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, self-help, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 0

I notice that on mornings that I don’t start the day with meditation, my thinking process is so much more rigid. It seems to be like dominos. If I jump out of bed and begin by moving fast, it revs my nervous system. In a hyper state, my mind seems to think in more negative terms. The more wired I am, the poorer my food choices are, the less good fuel I have for my brain and the less agile my mind is in handling unexpected challenges or crises.

When I start the day by breathing into my diaphragm and opening myself to get more oxygen into my body, I find that my mind expands and creative ideas come pouring in. When I get up from a sitting posture, I’m more centered, moving more slowly, and the choices I make for my breakfast are more nourishing. I then find myself to be more present, focused, and loving with my friends and clients. I then am more prone to use meditation tools in my coaching. I also am a much better problem solver and able to change course in my schedule if need be more easily.

As I was watching President Obama’s address last night to the bi-partisan room, I couldn’t help but think, if the various factions of our government could only meditate together, we could make a huge leap in thinking outside the box together. Perhaps each of us citizens meditating could be like a good virus that infects us all with peace and then change in our own lives might not be that hard after all and the last domino becomes all of humanity. Just from meditating for five minutes a day…

Dr. Toni Galardi is a crisis management coach and psychotherapist. Her new book on adapting to change The LIfeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Change is now available through her website http: www.LifeQuake.net.

February 11 2009

Michelle Obama: a role model for what matters

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk altruism, children, dr. toni galardi, lifequake, lifequake doctor, lifequake method, lifequake phenomenon, michelle obama, slate magazine, volunteer 0

With good reason, lately all eyes have been on our President and his much-anticipated stimulus package. The lion’s share of January was spent on news regarding the creation of a somewhat surprisingly bi-partisan cabinet, including a little controversy on Hilary Clinton and her competition for the Secretary of State position with our new vice-president, Joe Biden. Most of what has been written about the President’s wife had to do with her wardrobe, what she wore to the inaugural, how she needs a stylist, etc.

What has gotten a lot less press is the issue of the First Lady’s own mission – to inspire children to become successful by giving back to their communities. When I read in Slate Magazine how this message to kids to become civically involved because her own road to success and had come from her community involvement in an otherwise, unremarkable middle class childhood I jumped for joy. In the last stage of my LifeQuake model for helping people master change, I talk about how once you are not afraid of change in your own life, the natural extension is to become an agent of change in the world. When I was writing the last chapter of my book and doing research on altruism (giving selflessly to help others), I was surprised and delighted to discover how much solid research exists. There are so many benefits psychologically, physically, and even financially to being a humanitarian. Our First Lady is definitely a reflection of how “I do good” becomes “I feel good when I do good.” The President may have a daytime Dream Team in the White House, but I would guess that the woman he sleeps with is making his night time dreams a better reality for us all.

Dr. Toni Galardi’s new book is called The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval available on pre-order through her website www.LifeQuake.net.

February 9 2009

The Reader: A LifeQuake Take

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk change, dr. toni galardi, kate winslet, lifequake, lifequake doctor, lifequake method, lifequake phenomenon, man's search for meaning, the reader, victor frankl 0

Movies.

I love movies. They are truly my favorite art form.

When a film stays with you long after, revealing multiple meanings the more you think about it, then that is a great film. Let me be clear here. I am a psychotherapist. I have no ties or investments to the film industry. Of all the great films that came out in 2008, The Reader struck me the most because it speaks to my favorite subject – change or the lack thereof.

In this film, we get to see the cost of refusing to act when it is the morally right thing to do. The film moves back and forth between the late 1950’s and the mid 90’s. The two main characters, both German encapsulate the mores of the German people. Both adhere to the tribe’s spoken and unspoken rules.

The character Kate Winslet plays, does what she is told to do as a guard in a concentration camp and the lead male character, complies silently 21 years later when he conceals information that could have saved her because it would have meant exposing himself as having fraternized with a war criminal. She also refuses to save herself because it would have meant exposing a part of herself she was ashamed of.

Both pay a huge price for concealing their shame and we as viewers see the cost when one refuses to act independently from the tribe. But something else happens. We then see their individual journey of enlightenment played out through the metaphor of books. The interesting but sad character is the woman whose mother was in the camps and refuses to forgive Kate’s character even after her death. Had this been someone who was a patient of mine, I would have directed her to Victor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl, a camp survivor understood that forgiveness is the only way to redeem tragic loss for one’s self.

My last thought on this film is this question: Where do you and I comply with the mores of your tribe at the cost of living a life of meaning and truth? This is my journey and the journey for anyone whose Grail is found through a LifeQuake.

February 4 2009

Thoughts from the LifeQuake Doctor

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk blackberry, cell phones, dr. toni galardi, information age, lifequake, lifequake doctor, lifequake method, lifequake phenomenon, technology anxiety, web 2.0, world wide web 4

At one time there were two classes of citizens. The haves and have nots.

Now, this always referred to economics. Those who had money and resources and those that did not. In 2008, America entered an economic LifeQuake and some of those who had, now no longer have and many people are filled with anxiety as to who will be next in the have not category but what is certain is that in the cyber age, economics has been replaced in those two categories with two new groups: those who have technological skills and those who do not.

If you were lucky enough to have either grown up with computers and techno gadgets or are left brained dominant, your adaptability to the ever increasing complexity of the latest model of cell phones, dvd players, printers, and of course computers has most probably been with ease. However, if you were born before 1960 you may be finding the information age a bit daunting. In other words, if you’re a baby boomer and you majored in a liberal art in college, chances are you’re struggling to keep up.

Perhaps I should speak for myself. I am a highly educated woman in a profession that is well respected, about to launch my first book on helping people cope with change and I definitely would count myself in the have not category. I have had a Blackberry for a year and just recently learned how to take a picture with it. I could get email on it but the thought of reading anything but a few text messages (something I only learned how to do a few months ago) on that tiny phone fills me with horror.

So what to do? How does one keep up with all the new and improved when it doesn’t feel very improved? If you don’t have a child in the house to teach you, how do you cope? Becoming friendly with one of “the haves,” usually someone in their 20’s, who has these skills and trading your years of wisdom with their acumen may be the only answer. The challenge of course is in finding a “have” who thinks what you know is also a have that they would like to have.

Hmmm…I need someone like that!