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March 13 2009

Using Dreams to Interpret Change – Part V

Dr. Toni News dr. toni galardi, dream, dream interpretation, lifequake, los angeles, psychotherapist, psychotheray, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 0

When I was a college instructor for psychology majors, I taught an entire semester on the Jungian approach to dream interpretation, so distilling this into a few paragraphs is an interesting challenge. My favorite use of dreams involves using them to prepare for life changes. After you have done the emotional work that I wrote about in the previous articles, your subconscious mind will be more apt to give you a warning dream because it recognizes that you want the information. If we are afraid to face that change is coming and we numb ourselves out in various ways to avoid the truth, most probably we will not receive warnings from the soul that a cycle is ending. Further, even if we do, we probably won’t recognize the message.

Let’s say you are ready to accept that change is coming and you wan to use your dreams to get information. Pay attention to symbols that represent crisis: for example, tornadoes are a message of upheaval but, this symbol may be showing you that if you go to the eye of the storm, you can get the peace you need to hear what steps to take next. Earthquakes represent a structural change. Either you need to build a better emotional foundation or you may be called to physically move. When I work with a client, I give them several tools for dream recall. Here is one that can be helpful: keep a pad of paper or blank book by your bed. Before going to sleep, put the date of the next morning on it and write three times while saying it aloud, “ I am remembering my dreams when I awaken in the morning.”

The key with dream interpretation lies in the emotional tone of each scene of the dream. If you have a dream where your house is on fire, for example, but you are very calm or even joyous in the dream, this may be an indication that in spite of a radical change to your foundation, you will experience profound and beneficial transformation. I love working with dreams. I have assisted many people in preparing for their life to change in such a way that they were able to avert disaster.

In my new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon I share with my readers stories of people, like Martin Rutte, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work who intuited from a dream to sell his house. The Northridge earthquake occurred three days after he and his wife moved to Santa Fe, New Mexico.

Yes, dreams can save our lives if we are willing to listen and begin an inquiry with ourselves on where we need to make changes. Of course it also helps to have a coach who can look at the material with you and determine the meaning that most fits with you and your destiny.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a psychotherapist, author, public speaker, and is the columnist for Vision Magazine’s, “Ask the LifeQuake Doctor”. Her recent book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon, is available now at www.lifequake.net.

March 10 2009

Saying Goodbye to an Old Life

Dr. Toni News death, dr. toni galardi, how to deal with death, los angeles, mourning, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 0

In part two of this series on preparing for change I gave you a tool for observing your life and beginning to acknowledge that a cycle of life is ending. In the Mar 8th blog, I instructed you to keep tabs of what interests you now as a contrast to what has become stale, boring, and not life giving. Over the next few weeks you have the opportunity to notice not just what is ending but the vague glimpses of new interests and passions.

In this blog the focus is on something Americans have an almost phobic fear of -death. At one time, the three things one never spoke about in public conversation were sex, death, and money. Well, now that you see on day time tv what was only possible in soft porn films, sex is most definitely out in the open. One never discussed salaries in polite conversation and now people talk blatantly about what they lost in their stock portfolio as if they are talking about yesterday’s news. And yet, confronting death is something people do only when forced to through a diagnosis or tragic loss. There is death inside of natural life cycles that we also resist.

In the Native American tradition there is a saying “It’s a good day to die.” It was used when a warrior went forth into battle with dignity and acceptance of his fate but I use it as an opening to emotional release work with my clients when the battle we are confronting is the negative ego that is resisting change. Ask yourself the question, “ What beliefs am I holding onto that need to die?” What needs to be released from my life that no longer supports my growth? For example, perhaps it’s the way you’ve made your living or if you’re an entrepreneur, the marketing techniques you have used in the past for your product. If you lost your job or sales are down for your company, it may be time to let an old method go. Companies are famous for continuing to put out a product using a tried and true marketing strategy only to find it isn’t reflecting the needs of the consumer. Think General Motors, for example.

Anyway, the next task in preparing for change is to look into your life at what is defunctional – obsolete – and get rid of it. Spring is coming. Is the soil in your garden made up of elements that can produce an abundant crop or do you need to get out there and weed out the beliefs that are suppressing your fertile soul? If we make every day “ a good day to die” we can surrender to change and produce a new world where everyone has clean water and goes to sleep with a full stomach. It is possible…

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, phone coach, and author of her new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.

March 7 2009

How to prepare for change

Dr. Toni News change, dr. toni galardi, fear of change, los angeles, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 0

Yesterday I was interviewed by a news anchor and was asked the question, “How do you prepare for change if you don’t know change is coming?”

I pondered this question (not because I didn’t have an answer), but because I had so many answers that I didn’t know how to put them in a single sound bite for TV. So, I‘ve decided to devote a few blogs to this subject matter.

When you can remove the belief in your consciousness that change means loss, you are more apt to listen for the signs that a cycle is completing in your life and change is coming even if you don’t know what that specific change needs to be. In your childhood, if change always brought crisis or pain, you may have a deep subconscious resistance to major transitions. The irony is, that if you don’t change the belief around this, it can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. If your coping strategy for adapting to change is to avoid the warning signs by numbing yourself out through substances or outer distractions, then what you bring in is crisis driven transition. A slew of parking tickets becomes a major car accident, for example.

One technique for transforming the fear of change is to spend a few minutes every day with your eyes closed. Ask yourself the question, “Is there some area of my life that has become defunct, no longer functioning for my greater good?” It could be your job responsibilities, the form of exercise you do, your sex life, etc?

Now focus inward toward your body.

When you think about changing that routine, what feelings does it bring up? Where are those feelings located in your body? Now, take five minutes to simply breathe into it by placing your left hand (this is governed by the side of the brain that elicits our intuitive creative self) over this area. Allow your hand to get warmer. Now send an intention into your hand of unconditional love. Think about all the times you have used your hands to express love toward family members or a pet and then transfer that same feeling of complete acceptance you have toward others you love toward the place in your body where you hold fear of change. Then end this practice by repeating to yourself, “I am safe and secure. Change now brings me gain.” Do this repetitively, for several weeks until there is no more charge on making a big change.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist and life transitions coach who has written a new book that assists people in overcoming the fear of change and creating a life of meaning and joy. The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval is available through her website, www.LifeQuake.net. For those seeking personal consultation, she can be reached at 310-712-2600.

March 5 2009

Marriage Effects of Economic Crisis

Dr. Toni News anderson cooper, cnn, dr. toni galardi, economy, financial troubles, los angeles, marriage, marriage counseling, new york times, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, recession, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 1

There has been a lot of press coverage on couples staying together for economic reasons that were planning to divorce prior to the recession, including Anderson Cooper’s piece on CNN. I even received a call from New York Times reporter on this subject.

Truth be told, I am consulting with a couple who are sleeping in separate rooms and claim to be together for their son, but I surmise that the real reason is economics. I did a session with their fourteen-year-old son and he is completely dismayed as to why his parents are still together.

It got me thinking; is there an upside to people hesitating to divorce these days?

Yes, in a perfect world you shouldn’t live with someone you don’t love anymore, but, perhaps, these challenging times provide a way to rewrite the contract so that you live in a more tribal or community way rather than an ideal we have of romantic love.

Two cases from my practice illustrate how the current economic climate can help or hinder people staying together.
In one case, a couple came to me separately and, although the husband wanted marriage counseling, the wife did not. She was not in love with her husband anymore and had previously had an affair that he knew about. Her reason for staying was their child but as therapy progressed, it became clear there was more here. She knew the value of their home had diminished drastically and was concerned about what she would end up receiving in a property settlement, given the current economic decline. Her solution was to avoid her husband at night, spending hours at her computer watching YouTube videos. My treatment approach with this person was to work on her boredom at her job and help her discover a passion she could turn into her vocation of destiny so that money was no longer her consideration for staying.

In the second case, the couple I was seeing was fighting a lot because of money stressors, but it was clear to me that, although they had threatened each other with divorce, there was still a lot of love left in this marriage. So, we worked on downsizing their lifestyle and being more creative with their finances, spending more time at home with each other and their children and, soon enough, the fighting diminished significantly.

So, as you can see, change and crisis management as it applies to marriage can sometimes mean changing the contract and sometimes it is time to revoke the contract and trust that with greater authenticity, your life will thrive as a single person.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, columnist, and author of her new book The LifeQuake Phenomeonon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal And Global Upheaval.For more information, visit www.lifequake.net.

March 4 2009

Ask the LifeQuake Doctor

Dr. Toni News aarp, dr. toni galardi, lifequake, los angeles, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, retirement, senior, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 0

Spring is coming. A time when Mother Nature shows us how everything frozen and austere in our lives eventually changes. Although for many, this winter has brought more than just severe climate conditions, it takes a real leap of faith to believe that Spring will come economically and professionally too. The hardest task one faces psychologically is to claim prosperity when there seems to be no evidence for it. To that end, I have written my first book on how to thrive through change. The LifeQuake Phenomenon can be purchased through my website or the online bookstores as of March 1. It is my sincere hope that it supports all those going through a time of upheaval by reframing this as the labor pains of your soul (and that of all of humanity) birthing our next evolution.
Dear Dr. Toni,

I am 68 and retired. My husband is 70 also retired. We have two sons both divorced. One son has two daughters in college. We are paying for their educations. It is sapping us financially but our goal in life was to educate our grandchildren. One granddaughter is gifted and has some scholarships to support her education but it doesn’t cover room and board etc. Our other son is raising a son alone who is now 12 yrs old. We have no daughters in law. I have one sister two year younger than me who has many health problems. The only female in the family who truly cared about us aging was my sister in law who passed away this year at 54 with cancer. We miss her compassion and caring about us. Talk about fear- I am extremely worried about who will care for us when we become ill and aged. Our sons are not capable of helping us and our grandaughters will need to get on with their lives after college. It truly is lonely not having any females in the family who ask how we are doing, can we do anything for you, invite us to dinner etc. I now know we need to plan for the eventual aging problems and the fact there is no one to help us. We have not traveled or done anything for ourselves in retirement in order to be sure our granddaughters were educated. One will graduate in May with a degree in psychology. We would love to move away as we feel very lonely with them seeming to have no time for us. We long for a warmer climate but fear if we move too far there would be no family to care for us if we become incapacitated and it would be a financial burden on them to move us back home much less care for us. Are there people in the health field who act as patient advocates or who would handle our affairs and ensure we would be taken care of properly? We have nursing home insurance but it would not cover all the care and our boys could not pay the coverage. I visited my mother every day while in a nursing home and thank god I did. She was not well cared for even in our best nursing home.

My husband has glaucoma but still has fairly good vision, he has muscle damage in his legs from taking Lipitor for too many years and is not able to walk long distances however functions well on a daily basis on short trips running errands etc. I feel his health may go down hill in the next few years with these problems and am struggling with the fact we are vegetating here in a cold climate that causes us to become depressed and inactive.
We have no answers to our dilemma. This is LifeQuake in our senior years! We would appreciate your thoughts. Not sure how many years we have left to enjoy life, where to enjoy those years and how far should we be from our children who wouldn’t be much help.

I look forward to your column in Vision magazine. Thank You.

P.J.

Dear P.J.

Yes, LifeQuakes can happen at any age but if you are truly in a LifeQuake and not just a crisis, you will know that a significant life change is being thrust upon you. All change demands risk. If there is no one in your present community to assist you it probably isn’t going to get better. You are right. Cold climates when you have physical limitations are very challenging. The benefit of moving to warmers climates besides supporting your health is that there are more retirement communities and services that cater to them. I urge you to investigate living in a community of other retirees and look into patient advocacy services and do it soon. You can start with these three:www.ElderCareLink.com.,a national free caregiver service,The Patient Advocate Foundation, www.patientadvocate.org, and AARP – The Association of Retired People. By joining AARP for $12.50 a year you can receive a myriad of information beyond just patient advocacy – www.AARP.org.

Your anxiety will only worsen through non-action. Information and education is the beginning of resolution and provides the possibility of your remaining years being a time of enjoying “the golden years.” Get moving, my dear. Do the research and then plan a trip in the Spring. Your family will survive without you. Remember, the life preserver has to go around your neck first!

To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For more tips on overcoming the fear of change and discovering your life’s purpose, Dr. Toni has a new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Go to her website www.LifeQuake.net to order. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600.

March 2 2009

Coach, Consultant, Psychotherapist? Or simply Change Agent?

Dr. Toni News author, dr. toni, dr. toni galardi, los angeles, psych, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, self-help, the lifequake doctor, the lifequake method, the lifequake phenomenon 1

freud1 I hate networking groups. I’m one of those who can easily get up in front of a room full of people and speak for a whole day on a topic. I shine on camera and love radio interviews, but put me in a room where I have to tell you from my chair inside the room in 30 seconds what I do as a therapist and I start to shake, literally. I usually fold my hands in front of me (bad body language) so the crowd (who are all looking at me when I stand up to introduce myself) won’t notice the tremor. When I’m talking about something I’m passionate about, I can talk for hours, such as “how to anticipate change is coming”. Talking about myself is a little more complicated.

My biggest problem is describing what I do in thirty seconds.

There are those who are hypnotherapists and what they do is easy to describe: they help people lose weight, quit smoking, or manage stress better. There are those who are career coaches and, well, that is pretty obvious. There are those who work strictly with relationship issues. And there are those who help people make big transitions in their lives.

And then there’s me. I do all of the above and a few other things like dream interpretation and guided imagery as well. On the credential level, I’m a licensed psychotherapist and sometimes going deep into the subconscious realms is appropriate. Sometimes, what is being called for is pragmatic problem solving, and I am also called in to work with CEOs occasionally to consult on their business.

And just when I was getting the hang of describing all the many hats I wear, a new one appeared with the release of my first book: “Crisis Management Expert.” I have been working in the field of crisis intervention for 25 years and have given interviews to the media on this subject for awhile now, but it wasn’t something I announced. They just came to me when they needed me.

I liked it in the old days (the ancient 80’s) when it was enough of a credential being a psychotherapist and all I had to say was “ I help people overcome their fear of change and reduce the need for crisis as a motivator.” Heh, maybe that’s the sound bite. Just forget all the labels. Hmm-Thirty seconds may start to seem like a long time.

Dr. Toni Galardi has just released her first book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to thrive (not just survive) in These Times of Personal and Global Upheaval, which can be purchased through her website at http://www.LifeQuake.net.

February 23 2009

A Change at the Oscars

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oscars Who’d a thunk it.

The Academy Awards has become a humanitarian event. There was a real change, a real transformation in the focus of the Oscar. Everyone was so generous to their fellow actors and crew. I couldn’t help but think that the feeling in the country under our present leadership has trickled down to even the most egocentrically-oriented industry in the world: show business.

Say what you will about our president’s first one hundred days, but he is a gracious, generous human being and his influence showed on the night of all nights in Hollywood.

Something else was interesting as well.

With the change in the date of the Academy Awards in recent years to February, this was the first time that the holiest day in the Hindu calendar began while the Awards were being celebrated in Hollywood. The first new moon in February always kicks off Shivaratri. How ironic it was that the film Slum Dog Millionaire would win in a landslide of awards on this most auspicious night.

Further history was made on Oscar night when an award winner Jai Ho who won for Best Song, uttering what is considered the most powerful word in India, “Om.”

Yes, there is a transformation occurring in America, but like a benevolent computer virus, this good will is traveling very fast across the globe. It just goes to show you that in our economic recession, we could learn a thing or two from the Indians across the ocean. The power of not having much in material possessions can develop the spirit and tenacity to never give up. The brown skinned people are getting their due.

Yes, change is coming to America and what happens here happens everywhere!

Dr. Toni Galardi has written a book dedicated to assisting people in overcoming the fear of change in their own lives so that their greatest destiny can unfold. The book,The LifeQuake Phenomenon:How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheavalis now available atwww.LifeQuake.net

February 20 2009

Journey to the Holy Grail

Dr. Toni News dr. toni galardi, lifequake method, lifequake phenomenon, los angeles, online dating, psychotherapist, psychotherapy, self-help, the lifequake doctor 0

For the longest time I resisted the whole idea of meeting someone “online.”

I was absolutely convinced that Internet dating attracted married men, guys who couldn’t get a date on their own, or creeps. Unfortunately, if you’re over forty in Los Angeles, men just don’t notice you in public. Coffee houses, bars, and gyms are the domain of the perky blonde with a hard body and augmented breasts, so what is an attractive, smart, funny middle-aged woman to do in such a crisis?

So, I agreed to try one and only one of the dating sites that at least had a decent reputation. Anthropologically speaking, it has been a fascinating exploration into the courtship rituals of humanity in the time of cyberspace. Before the 90’s, if you met someone through friends or at a social function, if you liked one another, you would go out. If you really enjoyed the date it would lead to another date and then if you still liked each other, eventually you would become an item and perhaps live together or get married.

Now you can meet someone online, have a great conversation with them on the phone, maybe even go out, have a mutually great time and never hear from the guy again. Why? Because you are like a dish at a Swedish smorgasbord. He may have had a great time with you but there are 20 more great dishes to be had so why would he settle for the first course? And now there’s an additional operative. We’re in an economic crisis so men are looking for women as investments the way women used to look at men. If a woman is making great money or has abundant assets, a lot of men who wouldn’t have considered an older woman when they were flush are now making pragmatic choices, so the game is changing.

You might ask, well then why do it and risk finding out the guy you just went out with is married or interested in you monetarily? Because I believe in practical magic – the law of attraction. Figure out what your five must-haves are and be brave, be purposeful, be intentional and be patient. I believe that if you visualize exactly what you want and you are patient and are willing to keep saying no to guys who don’t have at least five of your must haves, the universe will deliver your request.

And maybe the smorgasbord is like the journey to the Holy Grail. By experiencing lots of different men, you get clearer and clearer about what you do want. And on the journey to the heart, each, if you let them, will change you a little and certainly make a contribution to your understanding that men are just as fragile when it comes to intimacy as we are .

Dr Toni Galardi is the Change Expert and has a new book out to help you overcome the fear of change, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How To Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.

February 19 2009

The City of Angels Joins the Country

Dr. Toni News author, book, creativity, lifequake method, lifequake phenomenon, los angeles, psychotherapy, rain, self-help, spring, the lifequake doctor 0

singing_3 For a lot of years, Los Angeles and South Florida held the joint monopoly on summer clothes in the winter. And then Miami dropped. All those people who migrate south in the winter were mighty disappointed with the extreme temperatures of Florida’s bitter 60 degree weather. God forbid, you might have to wear a sweater and pants.

My father called me from “Boca” (that’s what they call it there). In Boca Raton, where every retired New Yorker goes to play golf, they were hibernating inside. I felt very smug because here In Los Angeles it was 80 degrees and everyone was wearing shorts! I wanted rain. I really wanted rain! And then the rain came… and came and came. And I started to think, maybe this is a good thing for us Angelinos and not just because we need the water conservation.

Winter is a great time for reflection and contemplation. If you turn inward and just sit with yourself for awhile, the imagination can begin to marinate. The best soups I’ve ever made were their tastiest after being frozen for weeks and then defrosted and heated. But just like a great soup, if there isn’t time for it to just let all the ingredients of your psyche come into some kind of relationship in your subconscious, what gets produced is not rich or deep in flavor.

Something else I think is great about all this rain and cold weather is that it is bringing up people’s real emotions. When the sun is shining, it is easy to displace your fears and anxieties on a good game of tennis or golf, for example.

I created a seven-stage model for helping people overcome the fear of change and it came to me in the dead of winter. Yes, I’m excited about all this rain. I have a strong sense that late April is going to bring a Spring full of possibilities. In the mean time, jot all your inspirations onto paper or even a blog perhaps. And then in Spring, and not until Spring, see if there is a connection between the ideas. You may have a whole new career waiting for you. I teach people to get outside their boxes and risk. So here’s one – in the spirit of Gene Kelly, go outside and sing in the rain. It can do wonders for your creativity!

Dr. Toni Galardi’s new book The LifeQuake Phenomenon is now available to be ordered.

February 17 2009

Understanding Men and Women

Dr. Toni News allison armstrong, dr. toni galardi, lifequake, lifequake doctor, lifequake method, lifequake phenomenon, understanding men, understanding women, valentine's day 0

cc0078 This year I spent Valentine’s Day in the most unusual fashion. A girlfriend of mine had loaned me a series of four DVDs entitled Understanding Women. The speaker is a woman by the name of Allison Armstrong and she has a company dedicated to giving education to men and women about each other for the purpose of promoting partnership. Well, she loaned me these DVDs four months ago while I was in the midst of finishing the editing of my first book. Needless to say, I forgot about the tapes until my friend called about them three days before Valentine’s Day. I had plans with a friend for a romantic evening at his home, but I thought it might be a great opportunity to watch them with a guy since they are, after all, for guys.

My friend had other ideas, equally unromantic by my lights. As a member of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences, he had all the movies up for an Oscar, but the movie he wanted to watch was – you ready for this – The Wrestler. Well, I wasn’t interested, to say the least. I offered an alternative – that we watch these DVDs. He hesitantly acquiesced.

I thought for sure he’d watch maybe fifteen minutes and be bored. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He was captivated by how her explanation of most of what drives men crazy about women is rooted in our evolutionary biology. She explains (with loads of humor) why women need to give you the details when reporting on the day’s events, why women need men to be monogamous, and why a beautiful, educated trim woman is more critical of herself than even the average, overweight, uneducated guy, and much more.

Not only did my friend enjoy the DVD, in the morning he went MIA (missing in action). When I woke up and went looking for him, I found him in the guest bedroom watching the remaining DVDs! Separate and apart from the information, I felt enlightened just by the fact that I had underestimated my friend in his capacity to both want to watch The Wrestler and be mesmerized by four hours of a talking head explaining the opposite sex. Which made me think, how much do we underestimate each other in other areas? So, when he asked me to smoke a cigar with him in the Jacuzzi, how could I resist? I’m the Change Expert. My philosophy is everything not dangerous to do just once, should be done once. Freud may have been right that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar and sometimes it’s a great metaphor if you’re a woman, for embracing your inner Al Capone.

Dr. Toni Galardi’s new book on mastering change, The LifeQuake Phenomenon, can be purchased in pre-order from her website, www.LifeQuake.net

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