Dr. Toni

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July 3 2009

Ask the LifeQuake Doctor Advice Column

Dr. Toni Ask the LifeQuake Doctor change, chaos, creative problem solving, crisis, economic crisis, stress, stress management, the lifequake method, tough economic times 0

LifeQuake™

Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor

Dr. Toni Galardi

Dear Dr. Toni:

I am an entrepreneur who was doing quite well in my business until last year. I know I need to give up the freedom I’ve had in my career and get a job, but every time I think of letting go of my business, I get a panic attack. I don’t want to go on medication. I’m afraid that if I see a doctor, that is what he/she will recommend. Can you suggest the best way for me to handle the stress and chaos I am experiencing during this career transition?

Terrified in Toronto

Dear Friend:

Before you can resolve the outer decision about your business, it is important to learn how to quiet the mind and the nervous system so that you can access your inner wisdom.

When we are at peace within, not only are we able to get to our gut intuition, but we can open to a universal intelligence. Albert Einstein spoke about the idea that there is an unlimited force in the universe that we can tap into for answers. Here is an exercise from my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon and The LifeQuake Method CD that can help to calm your brain and nervous system to allow for greater access to creative solutions.

Re-patterning Your Blueprint Meditation

Read the exercise in its entirety first. Sit or lie down comfortably in a position that supports your entire body. If you’re on the floor, put pillows under your knees. If you’re sitting, make sure your back is supported and your feet are touching the floor.

Now close your eyes. Breathe in to the count of five, and then out to the count of five. With each breath you take, feel yourself becoming more deeply relaxed. Now allow your awareness to move to the top of your head. Begin to experience your radiant light energy entering the top of your head. This begins the recognition of your full potential self. With each breath you take, set the intention of allowing this light to enter your brain.

Continue breathing in and out. As you breathe in now, allow your entire brain to be bathed in this light. If you find it easy to visualize, see it gently entering into the top of your head and permeating the entire circumference of your brain. If visual imagery doesn’t come readily for you, simply allow for a feeling to emerge as light enters into your crown and surrounds your head. This light is imprinting a new pattern into the neuropathways of your brain. Now allow this light to expand and spread through your entire nervous system. You don’t have to know how to do this. Just breathe it in with your intention.

Now breathe the light deeply into the front of your head, relaxing your temples and forehead. As you breathe in and out, your body goes even deeper into relaxation. Next allow the light to permeate and embrace your jaw, relaxing it. Keep focusing your breath into each body part, allowing for a gentle softening and release.

Now move to your neck and your shoulders. With each breath you take, this radiant healing light releases all tension, replacing it with a deep sense of harmony and balance.

Now move to your chest. Allow this radiant light to move into your lungs. Breathe in and out. Next move into your heart, filling it with light. As you do this, set the intention that your innate intelligence is transforming every cell of your body, releasing any and all past programming based on fears of the unknown. Repeat the following: It is now safe to change. When I make changes that are authentic, I always win. I can trust myself to move forward into the unknown.

Return your focus to your heart and ask to be shown a symbol that represents an answer to any question you have about making changes now. When the symbol appears, ask to be shown its message. What is the next step?

Now take another extra deep breath into your heart. You’re now releasing the structure of your old life with positive expectancy. A new behavioral groove is developing. Throughout the day ahead, if you experience fear, you can automatically take a long, deep breath, relaxing your body. You can now ask for guidance from universal intelligence, listen to the message, and act in accordance with its wisdom. If you don’t hear anything, set the intention that the answer will come spontaneously at another time. Just know that you are now imprinted with this new pattern as you deal with stress.

Now bring your awareness back to your heart, placing both hands over it. This is your anchor. From now on, when you place your hands over your heart, it will center you and allow you to use your breath to soften and receive. With daily practice, this will allow you to adapt more easily and effortlessly to both expected and unexpected change. You now make changes and resolve conflicts much more rapidly because you are in the flow. As crises present themselves, you now access solutions through a nervous system that has been programmed for adaptability. You respond with humor and lightness to what would have once triggered fear of loss. You’re now spreading this light to every person you meet. At the end of the day, experience yourself feeling more balanced. You can close with this affirmation: I am now at peace. I am now in deep gratitude. I experience the world as the same. And so it is done.

Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor

Dr. Toni Galardi

Dear Dr. Toni:

Terrified in Toronto

Dear Friend:

Before you can resolve the outer decision about your business, it is important to learn how to quiet the mind and the nervous system so that you can access your inner wisdom.

When we are at peace within, not only are we able to get to our gut intuition, but we can open to a universal intelligence. Albert Einstein spoke about the idea that there is an unlimited force in the universe that we can tap into for answers. Here is an exercise from my book The LifeQuake Phenomenon and The LifeQuake Method CD that can help to calm your brain and nervous system to allow for greater access to creative solutions.

Re-patterning Your Blueprint Meditation

Continue breathing in and out. As you breathe in now, allow your entire brain to be bathed in this light. If you find it easy to visualize, see it gently entering into the top of your head and permeating the entire circumference of your brain. If visual imagery doesn’t come readily for you, simply allow for a feeling to emerge as light enters into your crown and surrounds your head. The key is to have the intention of receiving your full potential self. This light is imprinting a new pattern into the neuropathways of your brain. Now allow this light to expand and spread through your entire nervous system. You don’t have to know how to do this. Just breathe it in with your intention.

Now move to your neck and your shoulders. With each breath you take, this radiant healing light releases all tension, replacing it with a deep sense of harmony and balance.

Now move to your chest. Allow this radiant light to move into your lungs. Breathe in and out. Next move into your heart, filling it with light. As you do this, set the intention that your innate intelligence is transforming every cell of your body, releasing any and all past programming based on fears of the unknown. Repeat the following: “It is now safe to change. When I make changes that are authentic, I always win. I can trust myself to move forward into the unknown.”

Now bring your awareness back to your heart, placing both hands over it. This is your anchor. From now on, when you place your hands over your heart, it will center you and allow you to use your breath to soften, receive rebalancing, and adapt. With daily practice, this allows you to adapt more easily and effortlessly to both expected and unexpected change. You now make changes and resolve conflicts much more rapidly because you are in the flow. As crises present themselves, you now access solutions through a nervous system that has been programmed for adaptability. You respond with humor and lightness to what would have once triggered fear of loss. You’re now spreading this light to every person you meet. At the end of the day, experience yourself feeling more balanced. You can close with this affirmation: “I am now at peace. I am now in deep gratitude. I experience the world as the same. And so it is done.”

To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through www.LifeQuake.net or DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For those seeking private consultation, Dr. Toni can be reached at 310.712.2600. This column appears in Vision Magazine on the stands and online – http://www.visionmagazine.com/archives/0907/Lifequake.html

July 1 2009

Michael Jackson/Peter Pan: A Cautionary Tale For Us All

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk anti-aging medicine, body dysmorphia, dealing with addiction, fear of aging, meditation for intuition, Michael Jackson, youth obsession 0

I have resisted blogging about Michael Jackson. Not because I didn’t have my own opinions about what really killed him but it seems so opportunistic to weigh in when so much has already been said. I questioned rather my take was an offering or not and then I realized how much he represents an archetype in the American psyche that I think is hurting us all, actually.

I don’t know the real details of his childhood but I surmise that there was trauma that left him never able to really grow up. Whatever he did or didn’t do to the various children who stayed with him, I honestly think he really saw himself as their peer. Making the transition into adulthood usually comes in one’s thirties. It is reported that the cosmetic surgeries began in the late 80’s which is when he was entering his thirties. This is when he started to really get crazy. The reports are that there were 10 surgeries by 1990. It is also reported that he suffered from body dysmorphia – distorted negative perception of one’s body.

Like people who suffer from anorexia, there is an arrest in development in childhood where the individual never sees themselves as an adult. Like the J.M. Barry story of Peter Pan, Michael never grew up. Dr. Judith Rich addresses this archetype we Jungians call Puer Aeternus – the eternal adolescent in her blog. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-judith-rich/it-hurts-to-be-me-confess_b_222381.html

What I haven’t seen written about is who is this eternal adolescent that imprisoned Michael that also lives inside of many of us? In western society, we have become hell bent on staying youthful in appearance and attitude. Anti Aging medicine and the practices of cosmetic surgeons are booming. We loathe wrinkles and now both middle aged men and women are seeking sexual partners twenty years younger for the “youthenizing” effects it has on one’s sense of self. How anyone deludes themselves into thinking they are younger because they are peering into the face of a younger partner says so much about our society’s addiction to perfection.

And so we come to the subject of addiction. Michael was quoted as saying on a number of occasions how lonely he felt in life, how painful it was to be him. And so, he found a way to numb that pain with medication. The lives of great artists who followed a similar path are numerous but I think it bears a moment of contemplation to look at one’s own self rejection if you are aging. What distractions/addictions are you using to avoid confronting the decay of your body? There is nothing wrong with adopting a healthy lifestyle to be the healthiest middle to older age person you can be. However, how much time do you spend on your inner life? Meditation, daily contemplation, connection to the soul all lead to wisdom through the enhancement of one’s intuition. Part of accepting aging is accepting the end of cycles. We have had this massive cultural belief that our economic life, our relationships, and yes, our bodies should forever be in harvest. That there should be no winter, no honoring of death that brings new life if you allow it. And maybe that’s the core of it. We fear death so we fear change. Embracing the aging process is a celebration of the elder archetype. It does mean examining what is at the heart of what we most fear about looking older: not being loved anymore…

So here’s this week’s tip: Take a few minutes in solitude. Look at where you fear or judge looking older. Where do you hold that fear in your body? Breathe into that fear until a feeling of surrender and peace replaces it. This peace is the beginning of real self love: as you are and as you will become as you face the inevitable year by year…

Dr. Toni Galardi is the author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive ( not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.

June 27 2009

The LifeQuake Rx For the Real Bailout

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk, News 0

Bail Out. Webster defines this two ways: To obtain someone’s release. To post security. So I was thinking about what that might mean for ourselves. What would it mean to psychologically or even spiritually bail out ourselves? Recently, a client came back to see me who had bailed her parents out by taking care of them both physically and financially for several months. The net effect of this was that she had practically bankrupted herself physically, emotionally and financially.

This got me to thinking about what does it mean “to post security or obtain someone else’s release” at the expense of your own and how prevalent is this as a sort of national personality tendency in the U.S.? I mean after all, the Statue of Liberty’s mission statement ( if she had one) set us up over 100 years ago to be pretty co-dependent, don’t you think? Listen to these words –
“give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” Aren’t we Americans constantly bailing out somebody in the world? So what would it mean if we made a daily practice of bailing out ourselves? Now, I don’t mean just eating right and actually using your gym membership. I mean what would it mean to actually check into your gut when someone asks you for a favor? What would it mean to check in with your heart when the school wants you to volunteer one more time when you are already overscheduled at work and church? What would it mean to check in with your bank account when your kids want to go out to eat and after all its’ Friday and you don’t want to cook anyway? If the quantum physicists are correct and everything that happens to one, effects the whole, when we abandon ourselves to peer pressure, or guilt from our kids, there is a kind of emotional bankruptcy that translates into a national phenomenon. There’s a term in holistic medicine for adrenal burnout – ‘tired wired’. It is a well known fact that we are a sleep deprived nation so what is the effect of borrowing from the night and putting ourselves into long term energy debt? Is this a metaphor for the energy shortage of gas and fuel?

So my prescription for us all if we want to stop being forced to bail out the Wall Street titans is to stop overextending ourselves in our own lives first. That Reagan slogan for youth drug prevention “ Just say no” is fitting as we go into another recession. Say no to your kids, say no to your boss’ 70 hour work week demand, but most importantly say no to the voice in your head that is constantly pushing you to do more, more, more. Perhaps the gift inside this economic LifeQuake is that in cutting back our expenses, we’ll gear down the hyperactivity and actually be more present to life. I’m sure our nervous systems will be eternally grateful. And then maybe, just maybe we’ll get more sleep too…

Dr. Toni Galardi, author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.

June 25 2009

The Evening Download Technique

Dr. Toni Dr. Toni's Five Minute Tips healing insomnia, Releasing stress, stress management technique 0

Here is a quick tip for clearing the stress from the day that can also inhibit emotionally numbing habits like drinking or eating too much at night.

1) Set aside a few minutes after you get home before dinner. If you can’t do it then, do it after. It will help with your digestion.

2) Scan your breath. Are you breathing from your chest or your gut? When we breathe from our gut, we get more oxygen and thus are able to adapt to stress more easily. When we breathe from our chest, shallow breathing tends to increase anxiety. Making this small adjustment can center you within five minutes.

3) Now, once you have centered yourself, go back through the day and notice what your emotional state was at each juncture up to the present. How did you feel just after waking? While getting dressed? As you moved about your day? Set an intention for letting go of any conflicts you are still holding in your body right now as you exhale.

4) Once you have scanned the day and released the stress with your breath, imagine a beautiful ball of golden light, three feet above your head. Emanating from that light is a ray of light gently entering into the top of your head slowly moving down throughout your whole body filling you with radiant, unconditional love.

If you dont have time to do this before your evening begins, do it before falling asleep. Even if you fall asleep during the exercise, your sleep will be much more peaceful from having released the day.

This is just one of the many techniques you will learn in my “Thriving Through Chaos” group this summer. Read on for more details. I also have useful new tips in my blog. ( link to the left)

In closing, contemplate this quote from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:

“People are like stained-glass windows.

They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,

but when the darkness sets in,

their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

Here is a quick tip for clearing the stress from the day that can also inhibit emotionally numbing habits like drinking or eating too much at night.

1) Set aside a few minutes after you get home before dinner. If you can’t do it then, do it after. It will help with your digestion.

In closing, contemplate this quote from Elizabeth Kubler-Ross:

“People are like stained-glass windows.

They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,

but when the darkness sets in,

their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

June 25 2009

Checking Your Emotional Pulse Technique

Dr. Toni News dealing with addiction, stress management technique 0

Checking Your Emotional Pulse

Dear :

Here is a quick tip for clearing stress and eliminating addictive behavior. Just as you have a physical pulse for your heart, you also have an emotional pulse that you can use to gauge how much stress you’re building in your body. By checking in every three hours, you can slow your emotional pulse down to a level in which you are riding the waves of your emotions rather than battling them.

1) Set your computer, cell phone,or watch to beep every three hours.

3) Now, once you have centered yourself, ask the simple question of your gut, “what do I need to know right now that I don’t think I know”?

If you get into the habit of doing this exercise three times a day (using a reminder beeper) your muscle of intuition will grow and your stress levels will decrease.

This is just one of the many techniques you will learn in my “Thriving Through Chaos” group this summer. Read on for more details. I also have useful new tips in my blog. ( link to the left)

Happy Breathing!

Dr. ToniChecking Your Emotional Pulse

1) Set your computer, cell phone,or watch to beep every three hours.

3) Now, once you have centered yourself, ask the simple question of your gut, “what do I need to know right now that I don’t think I know”?

If you get into the habit of doing this exercise three times a day (using a reminder beeper) your muscle of intuition will grow and your stress levels will decrease.

Happy Breathing!

Dr. Toni

June 25 2009

Thriving not Just Surviving the Proverbial Pink Slip

Dr. Toni Dr. Toni's Five Minute Tips 0

Are you ready for a breath of fresh air?

The sense of reawakening that is often connected to Spring can be experienced as rejuvenating even in these economic times. I’ve seen in my practice and through writing my book that those clients who resist change and neglect their physical and spiritual needs find themselves paralyzed with fear. Increased reliance on addictive behaviors is often used to numb out the overwhelming emotions we begin to feel during times of chaos. And it is this resistance to change that makes the situation more difficult to manage.

Much like our homes and offices, the soul becomes muddled with accumulated garbage. I believe that getting rid of life’s mental clutter is a necessary first step for moving to a healthier spirit and a more complete being. If the economy seems to have knocked your foundation out from beneath you, here are some tips to get you back on your feet again:

* Take an inventory of everything in your life that is “defunctional” or obsolete. Suddenly, many “needs” will become needless wants.

* Create small changes where you can see improvement immediately. Be willing to take on small contract jobs when applicable. Set a goal to send out a minimum of 20 resumes each day or call on old customers and clients just to see how they are doing. Celebrate your small achievements.

* Remove negativity from your life. What thoughts are holding you back from discovering the career of your dreams? Go back to your inventory list and do a ritual of releasing beliefs that are keeping you paralyzed. Get ready to move along!

* Get rid of dead weight. Are there relationships pulling you down? You have to really believe in yourself and surround yourself with others that believe in you as well. Relationships that are not evolving you are devolving you.

* Eliminate habits that are not providing constructive outlooks and outcomes. During times of stress and chaos, we frequently turn to bad habits. Whether yours are compulsive Internet usage, shopping, alcohol or eating, these habits are clearly not going to help you expand or discover your new career! Through meditation or guided visualization you can build the muscle of a calm center that will give you creative ideas that are impossible to access when you’re anxious. (Hint: Click here to receive The LifeQuake Method CD that has seven soothing guided visualizations to assist you in peacefully adapting to life’s daily stressors.)

Are you ready for a breath of fresh air?

* Take an inventory of everything in your life that is “defunctional” or obsolete. Suddenly, many “needs” will become needless wants.

* Eliminate habits that are not providing constructive outlooks and outcomes. During times of stress and chaos, we frequently turn to bad habits. Whether yours are compulsive Internet usage, shopping, alcohol or eating, these habits are clearly not going to help you expand or discover your new career! Through meditation or guided visualization you can build the muscle of a calm center that will give you creative ideas that are impossible to access when you’re anxious. (Hint: Go to the product page and order the CD that has seven soothing guided visualizations to assist you in peacefully adapting to life’s daily stressors.)

June 22 2009

Choosing a Career As a Writer in Tough Economic Times

Dr. Toni From the LifeQuake Desk career transition, changing careers, choosing a career in the arts, creating in the midst of crisis, self publishing a self help book, tough economic times, writing a self help book, writing from your soul 0

Many great writers have spoken and written about the challenges of choosing to become a writer as a vocational path. Making a comfortable living at it is practically like winning the lotto. Further, when you’ve been doing something else as a career that you were academically trained for and was able to support yourself doing, it really seems illogical. Then if you add in a bad economy, choosing to be an artist without a patron or parents to support you, there are those who would say (like my aging parents) that as a career choice, it borders on psychotic.

The writer Marilyn Ferguson ( whose seminal work The Aquarian Conspiracy may have jump started The Human Potential Movement in the 70’s) once told me while I was interviewing her for my book many years ago, ” A writer writes because they cannot not do it.” I held onto those words through the years of many rejections of my book proposals to New York publishers. When I finally decided to just write the book, I realized I now had the freedom to write the book that was in me not the one that could be marketable, and it was liberating!

I kept my day job as a therapist part time and lived very simply. When it came time to edit the book, I knew I needed an editor to help me who could give it a major hair cut without losing the unique style that was my own. The good news bad news about that was that she told me we had to cut about 70 pages of material. She told me it would be like “killing my proverbial babies”. Very soon into the process I realized I had to let go of my practice for awhile to do this project with full commitment.

Two weeks after I made that decision and we had begun, Wall Street quaked and the reality of the country’s economic crisis really hit. I continued, encouraged that my book would come out at the perfect time. In the ensuing nine months I have spent a staggering amount of money on editing, self publishing, and PR for this book. As I turned my attention back to my private practice,it too was not so easy to restimulate. It is growing, but slowly. Is the book a bestseller yet? No, far from it.

I now have to invest in internet marketing and am in a learning curve about social communities, SEO’s, guest blogging, etc The point is I may never make a lucrative living as a writer and it has been costly and time consuming and in spite of all that, I have no regrets about embarking on this journey. In the past three years of writing consistently, I have become a writer not just an author and there is no way to put a dollar value on the emotional satisfaction of learning a new skill in mid life.

I took a week off and did no blogging, newsletter, article writing of any kind.I needed to refill the well but surprisingly, I felt a little guilty and more importantly, I missed it. Along the way of my quest to get this message of LifeQuake (that you can thrive in the midst of career transition, tough economic times and a life in total chaos) I got something for myself, a deep intimate relationship with my own words and the muse “from who knows where” who inspires me. What grace!

Dr. Toni Galardi is the author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. She is also a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and advice columnist. She can be reached through her website, http://www. LifeQuake.net or her office 310-712-2600.
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June 13 2009

Interview by Betty Confidential

Dr. Toni News addiction to alcohol, drinking wine to undwind, mothers under stress, stay at home mom, stress management, women in transition 0

Moms Who Drink: Why and When It’s Time to Put Down the Glass

Dr. Toni Galardi weighs in on the trend -Julie Ryan Evans

As part of our series on Mommy Medicine, we asked Dr. Toni Galardi, a licensed psychotherapist, to give us more insight and a professional opinion as to why so many mothers today seem to be embracing alcohol.

JRE: It seems there’s an abundance of stay-at-home moms who use alcohol to help them manage the stress of motherhood. Have you noticed this, and why do you think it is?

Dr. Galardi: Part of this is sociological, not psychological, in origin. I think at-home moms have increased their drinking for a couple reasons: Women are more educated today and often [have] had a career before becoming a mom. And those who drink may not be so stimulated by the conversations at playdates and birthday parties. Alcohol is used to numb their boredom, or so say the moms I work with. Also, to be a stay-at-home mom, your husband is usually working very long hours to support the financial needs of the entire family. There is more isolation today than when the nuclear family lived with extended family members like a grandmother or an aunt. At the core of the problem is the loss of identity that comes with the role of moms who stay at home.

In the U.S., so much more is being expected of parents in child-rearing today. Children have schedules like adults in terms of number of activities they go to after school and on weekends, and a lot more homework and demanding, intricate school projects; the parent at home has to be highly involved in all of this, as well as fully participatory in school activities. Well, if you had a life before children, becoming this selfless with an expectation that motherhood will be a fulfilling identity in and of itself can lead to finding joy in a wine bottle because it is so socially acceptable. And for a moment it gives you that serotonin high that you don’t get from all the responsibilities you have to your kids and husband.

JRE: Can you give us some examples of mothers you’ve seen turning to alcohol?

Dr. Galardi: One of my clients was a fashion editor before becoming the mother of two children and wife of a successful clothing manufacturer. Her drinking began to escalate as her husband was spending more and more time traveling for his business. To abate the loneliness, she would have people over for dinner quite often and would start drinking as she was cooking, and that would extend through dinner. She was also hosting many of the playdates and birthday parties for her children as well as her friends’ children. She had a big house, so people were thrilled to have her be the social maven. Her lifequake hit when she found out her husband was having an affair, and that was when she stopped drinking and went into therapy to look at why she had been drinking in the first place.

Another client of mine was not formally educated but had been a successful artist in Europe before marrying and having children. She used alcohol to “access the muse” after a long day of child-rearing. Her only time in her studio was at 10 at night, and wine became a way of relaxing her from a stressful day with toddlers. I gave her guided visualizations and other meditation-type techniques to help her get centered at the end of the day. This allowed her creativity to expand even more.

JRE: It seems to be acceptable for mothers to drink at playdates, children’s birthday parties, “Baby Loves Disco” gatherings, etc. Do you think there’s any harm in this mentality?

Dr. Galardi: I don’t think a function like a child’s birthday that is geared to kids is the place for alcohol consumption. A barbecue that includes both children and adults, and in which the kids are not the main event, is fine, but even there, we need to be aware of what we are modeling for kids, not to mention putting them at risk when you get behind the wheel to go home.

JRE: So, how do parents’ drinking habits affect children? Is it bad if they see us drinking at a weekly playgroup or daily at dinner?

Dr. Galardi: Having a glass of wine with dinner as a part of a meal is fine. Wine in and of itself is not the problem. It becomes a problem when you model for your kids that this is the only way Mommy knows how to feel good. I grew up in an Italian family, where wine was at every dinner, but it wasn’t used by my parents to numb out.

JRE: Is there room in a mother’s life for wine? Can it be part of a healthy unwinding or “mommy medicine”, as we like to call it?

Dr. Galardi: The place for wine in anyone’s life is what it was originally intended for: to supplement a meal or to be part of a spiritual or religious ritual. Yes, there are health benefits to drinking wine. A glass of wine with dinner to complement the meal is good for digestion, cholesterol, etc. It is only a problem when it is being used as a way of self-medicating rather than part of a meal. Taking 15 minutes at the end of the day before dinner to do some yoga stretches or deep breathing, or dare I say meditation, is the best modeling you can give your kids. When you become dependent on alcohol as your only way to de-stress, it is dangerous; the body adapts and needs greater and greater quantities to unwind.

JRE: So, how would a mom know if she has a problem, especially if she’s drinking like everyone else?

Dr. Galardi: The key to judging whether it’s a problem is not quantity but dependence. If you were asked to go without it for a week, what emotions would it trigger? Ask yourself what feelings do you NOT have to feel when you drink? For example, when your husband comes home, do you drink to deal with his stress level from work? Do you drink to deal with your boredom around cooking? Do you use it as the only reward you give yourself in the course of the day? Is it numbing out your real desire to be more involved in a professional area besides raising your children?

JRE: And if someone feels it may be a problem? Dr. Galardi: If you feel that your wine consumption is being used to mask deeper issues, get help. Contact a therapist who deals with addiction issues, or go to a local AA meeting. It is quite humbling and ultimately liberating to have to admit that you need help in addressing this issue, and there are people who want to help. If you have a friend who is drinking too much, offer to go to a meeting with her or find a therapist she can talk to.

Dr. Toni Galardi has been a licensed psychotherapist in the state of California for more than 20 years. She currently resides in Los Angeles. In her new book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (Not Just Survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval, she asserts that alcohol and other addictive substances can be symptoms of a person’s resistance to change as a cycle ends and a new life purpose begins. For more information, go to www.lifequake.net, or call 310-712-2600 for a private consultation.

June 9 2009

In Between Jobs? How to Make Limbo More like Heaven than Hell

Dr. Toni How to... adrenal burnout, career transition, in between jobs, stressful transition 0

In recent articles, I ‘ve written about the benefits of volunteerism as part of your life when you are in career transition so I won’t repeat myself here by talking about how giving back keeps you grounded and of purpose in a time of such uncertainty. So here are five tips for how to make this time “in between lives” a time of grace when the temptation is to feel like you are spiraling down into a professional no man’s land.

1) Whatever your normal exercise routine has been, put in its place for three weeks a practice of 20 minutes of walking in the morning and 20 minutes at night. Getting the blood moving into your brain and connecting your mind and body will keep your body agile and grounded when you can often feel a bit spaced out from the lack of structure. This in turn makes your brain agile.

2) Watch your caffeine and sugar consumption. The more alkaline your diet is with the help of leafy greens and a multi mineral vitamin, the less stress your brain will be under and the more creative you will be to entertain out of the box career strategies. I know I have spoken about this before but it bears repeating. Caffeine, sugar, and too much stress and worry create acid in the body. An acidic body is the perfect breeding ground for cancer.

3) Make a practice of taking 15 minutes a day to look at something you have judged about yourself. What is the strength of that trait? For one person, it might be their anger. How can you use your anger as a positive quality to create a new life purpose? Perhaps that might be to become a crusader of some cause or advocate. I know of a man who left his job at the height of his Wall Street success to take a position in an NPO with an 85% pay cut. He used his type A personality to get funding for a charity he believed in. For another person, it was that she’s an empathy, extremely sensitive and found working in a corporate environment very taxing so she started doing massage on the side and eventually left her job when she was able to support herself as a massage therapist. The key is to look at what you might have thought of as a weakness as the very core of your gifts to others.

4) On this same note, with compassion and gentleness, make a list of habits that are not serving you or allowing your highest potential to be expressed. Commit to changing just one at a time. As you master one, you will feel empowered to go on. When we are in the throws of a busy career, we don’t have time to look at ourselves and retool for creating better functioning. Here is the time to make changes that will benefit you when you are back in the workplace.
5) Before you get out of bed, count your blessings, as many as you can think of. Then ask yourself, how you could bring a piece of heaven into your limbo state today. If it means taking a walk in nature, do it. If there is a flavor of something that is heavenly, eat it with complete presence not as an intention of numbing out discontent or fear. Imagine a ray of light pouring like rain into the top of your head streaming down to the tips of your toes.

The time “in between” has been written about by shamans and sages. Many experience it as their time in the desert but even the desert when it gets enough rain, becomes covered in blooms in the Spring. Spring will come and you will be ready from the inside out.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a liciensed psychotherapist, public speaker, columnist, and author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive not Just Survive in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Dr. Galardi is doing an eight week group for those wishing to move into their best and highest potential. call 310-712-2600 to register. limited seating.

June 4 2009

Ask the LifeQuake Doctor June Column

Dr. Toni Ask the LifeQuake Doctor career transition, economic recession, job loss, meditation, stress 0

“Ask The LifeQuake Doctor” – Vision Magazine
June 2009 issue

Dear Dr. Toni:
I have an upper management job in a great company and am experiencing “survivor guilt”. So many of my friends have been laid off from their jobs. I get several calls a month or week asking for referrals for jobs or introductions to others — from friends, friends of friends, or former colleagues who may be desperately searching for work and are relying heavily on networking. But each person has only so much political capital to expend: When is ok to say no? How do you say no? When should you help? What kind of help is easy to provide, and what should you consider more carefully? How far should you go to help?
Peter J.
Dear Peter:
We are living in desperate times. According to the Bloomberg News last week, it is predicted that the third and fourth quarter of this year things could worsen. I believe that a positive function of a time like this is to bring us together. Americans reached out to help each other during the Great Depression and yet when we were in an economic boom during the 1950’s the black list became a guise for anti-semitism and prejudices of many kinds. People got scape-goated if they had an independent feeling about how the country was being run. I don’t think the focus at this juncture is to look at your political capital. The key is to use discernment as to whom to refer to whom.

Here are some tips:
1) Say no when you have history with the person asking for help as having put your reputation at risk in the past. ie., Poor work habits that led to them getting fired from a job you used your contacts for them to get.

2) Say no when they are asking you to refer them for something you know they are not qualified to apply for. Once again, using your resources judiciously.

3) Say no when, what they are asking for help on, will be in direct competition with a request you need to make of your contact in assisting you in your own career transition.
4) Say no if whom they want you to connect them with is not someone you have a close enough relationship with to justify making a recommendation and have it hold any weight. In other words, don’t pretend to know people intimately that you don’t really know and set up disappointment for someone desperate for work.

When it feels right to say no, do it directly, but with compassion.
If someone is calling you and are in desperate straights and have a family to support, and they are well qualified, do whatever you can to help them. Connecting people with each other always serves in the long run. If you put good karma out into the world, it will always come back to support you at a different time. In my book, The LifeQuake Phenomenon I write a whole chapter on the benefits psychologically, physically, and financially of acting altruistically as a matter of course. We are being called in these times to expand our resources to help one another, not to contract and hold on tightly to what we have. Generosity is its own reward. The key question is not what is strategically best but what does your gut wisdom tell you about whom to connect to whom.

Dear Dr. Toni:
I lost my job a few months ago and am going through what feels like a major transformation. Now that my old career identity is over, I notice that I don’t feel connected to my old friends. I also can’t afford the same social expenses they can. I am afraid to let go of these relationships because they are the only friends I have right now. How do I handle saying good-bye to people I don’t feel connected to anymore?
Dazed and Confused in Los Angeles

Dear D and C:
First of all, congratulations! I am not saying this cavalierly. It is important to mark this event with a celebration so you don’t spin out into fear. As your old identity is falling away, your old life is going to feel alien. There is new life forming, it’s just still underground in your psyche. That feeling of being in the desert is a powerful transition into fuller self expression and it takes courage to be naked and alone, so to speak. However, we are never left with a void for very long once we make authentic choices. Begin to explore going to social functions that are free of charge or have a nominal fee. Peruse the Los Angeles Times or Whole Life Times for events. Volunteer part time while you are job searching. People who volunteer their time may be the like-minded individuals you are seeking.

Be patient. I call this time in my book, “The Cosmic Barbecue”. Your ego may experience some discomfort when you are in between lives. It may be that you are being called to be in more internal exploration that you didn’t have time for while working in a career. I have lots of free articles on my blog that can also support a time a transition: http://www.LifeQuake.net/blog

Spend time in quiet every day and ask your inner wisdom to show you what your next step is. Once your career re-crystallizes, this time for befriending yourself you may never have the luxury for again.

Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, public speaker, and the author of her new book: The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval. Dr. Galardi is forming an eight week group this summer for those wanting to get unstuck from old habits. For those seeking private consultation, she can be reached at 310.712.2600. To submit questions for “Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor”, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr).

Dr. Toni

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