Dear Dr Toni:
I am a college educated woman in her mid thirties. I guess I qualify to be considered a millennial, a millennial needing career counseling. I live by myself in the Bay area and the cost of living is is extremely expensive but the nature here is so amazing. My parents are both professionals but they have jobs so they have steady paychecks coming in. Since I graduated, I have drifted from job to job as a teacher, then a manager at a small hotel, and lately mostly temp jobs.
I made a mistake and got involved with a guy who was I guess you could say, addicted to me. He was possessive, controlling and I think, a sex addict. Because I was struggling to find my career path, I stayed in the relationship too long and when I broke up with him, he started stalking me.
I have a new boyfriend whom I haven’t told that he is still stalking me because he knows my old boyfriend casually and I don’t want there to be any big scene. My big focus right now is figuring out what to do with my life. I love singing and even writing music but I have been too afraid to try and perform anywhere. My new boyfriend is a musician and he thinks my stuff is good and that my voice is good enough to perform but I have just been too terrified to take the next step. I’m afraid that if singing and performing is my vocational destiny that I will starve. And then there is my parents who have been helping me out sometimes when I cant make the rent.
Would appreciate any thoughts you might have on this. I cannot afford a career coach right now.
Lost in Paradise
Well, there is a lot here to address. Hopefully I can give you a little something to course correct. First off, living alone in the Bay area is for those who make a six – figure income. There is statistical data to prove this. I would suggest you cut your nut by doing so. Also, if you have an ex who is stalking you, moving would probably handle this, especially if you come clean with your current boyfriend so that your new address is not disclosed to others. I also would recommend a restraining order if this continues and you don’t move.
You mention that your ex is a sex addict. Something you might not have considered is that sex addicts and love addicts are often attracted to one another. Did you start seeing the new boyfriend shortly after ending it with the old one? If you were living with a roommate, you might have more companionship than just with men.
Also, I would encourage you to talk to your mother or father about funding career or vocational counseling but with someone who can work with the deeper fears that we often hold in our bodies around stepping into our authentic self. You may have a blockage in your throat chachra that is keeping you from pursuing your passionate purpose. We inherit from our parents and our ancestral lineage, certain patterns and beliefs. If no one in your family ever earned a living as an artist, unconsciously you are betraying the family survival pattern. When we are not engaged in our soul purpose work, it often leads to attempting to find that fulfillment through some kind of addiction.
Once you clear these ancient patterns that are rooted in the past, it will be easier to take a risk and begin practicing your voice in a low pressure venue like a coffee house. It may feel easier to work a job that is below your education and skill set if it is no longer framed as your profession but simply your day job as an artist.
May the woods and Mother Nature bring you inspiration and guidance to listen to your Higher Self. Being in nature can put us better in touch with our intuitive wisdom.
Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist, vocational astrologer, change management expert speaker, the author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon, and a nationally known career repurposing coach.
If you have a question for The LifeQuake Doctor, you can write to her through: email@example.com
Or if you go to her website, you will receive a free guided visualization to help you find your soul purpose http://www.drtonigalardi.com
She works by phone and SKYPE in private practice – 310-890-6832.