Dear Dr. Toni:

I am currently a financial analyst and very successful at it but have been having physical symptoms of extreme fatigue.  I have been to two doctors, one is actually an endocrinologist and although my thyroid is showing a little overactive, he thinks the problem is that I am not coping well with stress.  I don’t really enjoy my work anymore but I find when I am not at work, I am still very tired so I am confused as to how it can be purely psychological. What do you think, doc?

Tired wired

Dear T.W.

First of all, if there is a thyroid issue, even if it is has been induced by stress, it will still affect you even when you are not in the stressful situation because your entire constitution starts to wear down.  Also, traditional endocrinologists do not look at blood work the same way that holistic M.D.’s or naturopathic physicians do. Andrew Weil the famous holistic doctor asserts that he treats the thyroid on the basis of symptoms rather than test results because the thyroid often shows irregularities long before they actually show up in the blood.

A.C.A.M. is one resource for finding a holistic doctor in your area. I would also suggest that you begin to notice when through the course of the day you experience joy or interest in your life. This is both at work and in your personal time. Pay attention to when your energy is better. Who are you with? What are you doing? I would spend three weeks jotting down data of when you found yourself feeling most alive. Your dreams are also clues to a possible transition you may be entering. If your thyroid is off, from a body psychology point of view, we would look at what is it you are not expressing? The thyroid is in the throat so when we are not expressing our authentic voice or saying what we really think in life, it can have physical effects. I would urge you to work with a coach or therapist on the psychological aspects of your fatigue as well.

Dear Dr. Toni:

I am a businessman who has recently gotten engaged. I am in my late 50’s. My fiancé is 49. In my previous marriage, I saw other women secretly. Upon finally deciding to come clean and tell my wife that I wanted an open marriage, she filed for divorce. This time I felt it was important to put it on the table from the beginning. I told my fiancé that there is another woman in my life whom I would like to continue to see in a limited way, once a week.

She responded by becoming very angry and then hurt and then she called the other woman who did not know I was engaged. I hadn’t had a chance to tell her yet. Upon hearing that I was engaged, the other woman dropped me, as did my fiancé. Dr. Toni, am I wrong here? It seems to me that women can’t handle the truth. They want you to tell them but when you do, they leave.  I just know who I am. I am not the monogamous type. Does that make me bad?

Dazed and Confused

Dear Dazed:

You are more than dazed and confused. You’re a bit deluded. It isn’t about you being wrong or bad but I’m sure by the time you got engaged you must have known the nature of the woman you were with. The time to have talked about you not being the monogamous type was when you were first dating. You don’t say here as to rather you are ok with your partner having other lovers.

I would urge you to look at the issue of why you can’t be satisfied with just one woman sexually. Clearly, if you are in your 50’s this isn’t raging hormones so let me just posit something here: Sex addiction has nothing to do with sex drive. It has to do with filling a hole in your soul. If you always have to have more than one woman as a sexual partner, there is probably some emotion that you are avoiding. Given that you chose to have this conversation after you got engaged, what feeling does the thought of committing to one person bring up? What messages did you receive as a child about intimacy? I would suggest you read the book Out of the Shadows by Patrick Carnes. Although it was written in 1983, it still provides great insight into treating sex addiction.  In October, Susan Cheever, writer and daughter of famous writer John Cheever has her own autobiography coming out called Desire: Where Sex Meets Addiction. She has a great quote in there: “adultery is the drunk driving of sex addiction.”

Need I say more except to urge you to work with a clinician who specializes in this kind of treatment.

To submit questions for Ask the LifeQuake™ Doctor, contact Dr. Toni Galardi through DrToni@LifeQuake.net (no period after the Dr). For those seeking private consultation or to sign up for her upcoming teleclass series, Dr. Toni can be reached through her website – www.LifeQuake.net.