Ask the LifeQuake Doctor
This month I am celebrating four years as a columnist for Vision Magazine. So before I answer one of my reader’s queries, I thought I would share a gift I am giving in July.
In these tough economic times, many people cannot afford to take a summer vacation. The summer can actually be a great time to take on a place in your life that needs to change. Perhaps you are resisting moving out of your comfort zone, even when what is so familiar has outgrown its vitality and authenticity.
I am offering a 6 week teleclass starting in July. Anyone who expresses interest in this breakthrough technology called The LifeQuake Method will be given a free 60 minute recording that is an introduction to the class. It will contain five tips for overcoming the fear of change and a guided imagery visualization you can listen to again and again.
Dear Dr. Toni:
My husband and I divorced two years ago. I left him due to his chronic infidelity. We were married for 17 years and raised two children together. After I divorced him and was left with barely enough money to live in a two bedroom apartment with my children, I discovered that he had been siphoning money into a foreign country and was worth millions abroad. He hardly ever sees his children and my son has especially been affected by this.
I am consumed with rage. I know it isn’t good for me but I cannot seem to let it go when I see how this has affected my kids. Please advise me as to how to move on. I do not trust men now and I know I will be alone for the rest of my life if I don’t change this.
On Fire in San Diego
My compassion goes out to you. It must be very difficult to be in financial struggle while your ex-husband is thriving, at least on the financial level. So let me approach this on a multi-dimensional level of your body, your mind, and your spirit.
Clearly, you were unhappy for years if he was unfaithful to you multiple times. So often, rage that continues to dog us does so because it is ourselves we haven’t forgiven or we haven’t processed the reasons we abandoned ourselves. Telling yourself that you stayed for your children is a copout. Go deeper. If he has been neglecting them since the divorce, he was most likely neglecting them before the divorce. What did you choose not to see? It is important to do this self examination with compassion and detachment not judgment. If you can take responsibility for your role and FORGIVE YOURSELF, you will be doing your body a big favor.
Chronic anger creates inflammation. Inflammation is linked to cancer and heart disease. Everyday that you resist accepting what is, your body pays the price. I would venture to say that this bleeds out energetically to your children as well.
The key is to examine the beliefs you are holding about this experience. It came to you as a lesson. As long as you make him wrong, you get to be right about his being wrong but you stay a victim. Ask the question, what is the function of this lesson for my personal evolution? Then work with the emotion that is resisting this acceptance. Where is it living in your body? Breathe into it. Ask to be shown a symbol that represent healing. Dwell on this symbol. Hold the awareness, I am willing to be healed even if I don’t know how to do it myself.
Thirdly, ask in meditation for how to forgive him. As hard as it is to swallow, your ex came to teach you something. People are mirrors for us. What do you need to do to bring yourself into full integrity with yourself? How are your health habits? DO you have a dream to fulfill, a life purpose that could not have happened if you had his money?
In my tele-classes this summer, I am challenging everyone to take on some place in their lives where they fear change and want a breakthrough. Come join me or go to my website and get a free chapter from my book and a 60 minute recording where I give you tools for beginning this process of starting the rest of your life.
Have a great summer!
Dr. Toni Galardi is a licensed psychotherapist and LifeQuake Coach. She is also the author of The LifeQuake Phenomenon: How to Thrive (not just survive) in Times of Personal and Global Upheaval.
Call today, 310-890-6832 or write to her with your questions: DrToni@LifeQuake.net.
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